Today Paula Stone Williams is a pastoral counselor and woman — but for the first 60 years of her life, Williams identified as male. After coming out as transgender in December 2012, Williams was swiftly fired from a position as an evangelical Christian leader.

Paula是一個傳道諮商師(有執照的諮商師同時受過傳教訓練)，她在六十歲之前都是以男性的身分生活，在她以跨性別身分出櫃以後，她立刻被福音派教會開除。

In this talk, she reflects about the male privilege she once had and how she's being treated now as a woman. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. "I'm here to tell you: The differences are massive."

在這場演講中，她反思她曾經有過的男性特權，以及她作為女性如何被對待。她說：我學到很多關於當一個女性象徵著甚麼，我也學到很多關於我之前的性別。我告訴你們，差別很大。

以下是演講的內文

I was the CEO of a large religious nonprofit, the host of a national television show. I preached in mega churches. I was a successful, well-educated, white American male.

我曾經是一個大型宗教非營利機構的執行長，全國性電視節目的主持人。我在超大型教會傳道。我曾經是一個成功的、受過良好教育的美國白人男性。

I knew from the time was three or four years of age I was transgender. In my naivety, I thought I got to choose. I thought a gender fairy would arrive and say, "Okay, the time has come!" But alas, no gender fairy arrived, so I just lived my life. I didn't hate being a boy. I just knew I wasn't one.

我三或四歲的時候就知道我是一個跨性別。在我天真的想法中，我以為我必須做出選擇。我認為會有個性別仙子跑來跟我說時候到了，但是，唉，他沒來，所以我就繼續過我的人生。我並不憎恨當個男生，我只是知道我不是。

（略）後來她出櫃了，失去了所有的工作。

In 21 states, you can't be fired for being transgender, but in all 50, you can be fired if you're transgender and you work for a religious corporation.

在美國，有21個州你不會因為跨性別身分被開除，但在全美50個州，如果你是為宗教法人工作，跨性別是會被開除的。

People sometimes ask, "Do you feel 100% like a woman?" And I say, "Well, if you've talked to one transgender person, you've talked to exactly one transgender person. I can't speak for anybody else." I feel 100% like a transgender woman.

人們有時候會問：你真的百分百感覺自己是個女人嗎？
我會說：嗯～如果你跟一個跨性別說話，你就真的只是在跟「一個」跨性別對話。我不能代表別人。我感覺自己是百分之百的跨性別女人。

There are things a cisgender woman knows I will never know.

有些順性別女性知道的事情，我永遠不會知道。

（略）她先從小事開始講，比如衣服的口袋怎麼這麼小？衣服的尺寸標示怎麼這麼複雜？女士們，你們知道男人一生從來沒有一刻需要擔心衣服配件掉進馬桶裡嗎？她比以前更不常剪頭髮，但價格是以前的十倍！所以她有能力度假也有能力剪頭髮，但沒有能力同時負擔這兩者。她處處遇到性別差異。她會在甚麼都沒有的地方被絆倒，她變得更容易瘀青，因為皮膚變得很薄。

她變性以後的性經驗也與過往差異很大，變得比較不那麼視覺，更有整體感，更不像單純身體的感受，而是存在的感受。所以她一直跟前妻道歉，說她當時真的不了解。

There is no way a well-educated white male can understand how much the culture is tilted in his favor.

一個受過良好教育的白人男性沒有辦法理解文化究竟賦予他多少優勢。

染色體不論是xx還xy，以目前醫學是無法變性，只有「我覺得我是女性or我覺得我是男性」然後進行身體性器官的整型而已，也就是在目前的醫學，永遠不可能變性成為男性/女性。
只是個人大腦感官認為自己是男性/女性。

There's no way he can understand it because it's all he's ever known, and all he ever will know.

他沒有機會了解這件事，因為這是他所知道的，也是他僅能知道的。

And conversely, there's no way that a woman can understand the full import of that because being a female is all she's ever known.

反之亦然，一個女人沒有辦法完全理解男性優勢，因為她只能知道當一個女性是怎麼一回事。

She might have an inkling that she's working twice as hard for half as much, but she has no idea how much harder it is for her than it is for the guy in the Brooks Brothers jacket in the office across the hall. I know! I was that guy!

她可能有種隱約的感覺她的努力都是事倍功半，但她不會明白她究竟多出多少困難，相較於坐在對面辦公室裡面那個穿西裝的男人。
我知道，我曾經就是那個男人！

And I thought I was one of the good guys, sensitive to women, egalitarian

我曾經以為我就是那種好男人，體貼女人，平等主義的那種。

Then came the first time I ever flew as a female. Now, I've flown over 2.3 million miles with American Airlines. I know my way around an airplane. And American was great through my transition, but that does not mean their passengers were.

後來，我第一次以女人的身分搭飛機。我在美國航空搭過兩百三十萬里程，我很清楚飛機的內部空間。這間公司在我跨性的過程中對我非常的好，但這不包括他們的乘客。

（略）有名男子弄錯了機位，佔用了她的位置，跟她發生了爭執，堅持那就是他的位子。然後另一個男子對她說：女士，帶著你那該死的主張滾旁邊去讓我上飛機好嗎？

I was absolutely stunned! I had never been treated like that as a male. I would have said, "I believe that's my seat," and the guy immediately would have looked at his boarding pass and said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I know that because it happened all the time!

我完全震撼了！在我還是男人的時候我從來沒有被這樣對待過！我會說：我相信這是我的位子。然後那個人就會馬上看看他的登機證然後說：啊抱歉。我知道因為之前每次都是這樣的！

（略）直到空服員來查看他們的登機證，確認男子坐錯位置，但不管是坐錯的人，還是叫她滾邊的人，都沒有人跟她道歉。

她的好友之一在美國航空工作，上來飛機送文件的時候有與她揮手道別，等她降落目的地的時候，她朋友打電話給她，問她怎麼了，怎麼當時臉色慘白。她分享了這段經歷，然後她朋友說：對喔，歡迎來到女人的世界。

Now, the truth is I will not live long enough to lose my male privilege. I brought it with me when I transitioned

事實就是，我可能無法活得夠久直到失去我的男性特權。我一直帶著它，跟我一起跨性。

A lot of decades of being a man. But that doesn't mean I don't see my power diminishing.

當一個男人數十年。但這並不表示我不會看到我的權力逐漸衰退。

Let me tell you another thing I've observed. Apparently, since I became a female, I have become stupid. Yeah, I guess it's the loss of testosterone and the arrival of estrogen that has caused me to lose the brain cells necessary to be a fully functioning adult human.

讓我告訴你另外一件我觀察到的事情。顯然，自從我成為女人，我就變笨了。沒錯，我猜可能是因為失去睪固酮得到雌激素，造成我失去了對一個功能完整的成年人來說十分必要的腦細胞。

Either that or I'm as smart as I ever was, it's just now I'm constantly being subjected to mansplaining.

不然我就是一如往常的聰明，只是我現在一而再而三地經歷男性說教。

這段頗酸 （難過

下面講到腳踏車店那段真的聽了很有感。
刻板印象認為女的不懂機械。

So, I was in my local Denver bike shop and a young summer employee said, "Can I help?" And I said, "Yeah. Can the frame of an older Gary Fisher mountain bike start to flex and bend enough that it causes the rear break to rub?"

有一次我在一家在地的品牌腳踏車店，一個年輕的工讀生為我服務，我詢問他：一台舊的登山車車架有沒有可能變形導致後煞車(應該是brake吧)摩擦呢？

He said, "Well, disk breaks need regular adjustments." I said, "I know that, and in fact I do my reg break adjustments."

他說：碟煞需要定期調整喔。
我說：我知道，事實上，我自己做定期調整。

He said, "Oh, well, then your rotor's bent." I said, "Yeah, my rotor is not bent. I know a bent rotor."

他說：喔那你的煞車碟盤變形了吧。
我說：我的碟盤沒有變形，我知道變形會是甚麼樣子。

With condescension, he said, "Well, what do you want me to do?"

他高高在上地說：啊你到底是想要我怎麼樣？

I said, "You could answer my question."

我說：你可以回答我的問題。

At which point Kyle, the manager of the shop, stepped in. He's such a sweetheart. He said, "I think you're probably right. Let me ask you a question: Do you only get a chirp coming from that rear break when you're pulling hard uphill?"

就在這時候，Kyle，這家店的經理走了進來。他真是個貼心的人。他說：我猜你可能是對的。我問你，你爬坡的時候，後煞車會發出唧——的聲音嗎？

I said, "Yes, exactly!" He said, "Yeah, that's frame fatigue." I wanted to fall at the feet of Kyle and call him blessed! Someone was taking me seriously!

我說：沒錯！正是如此！
他說：嗯是車架金屬疲勞了。
我真想要跪倒在他的腳邊，願神祝福他！終於有人把我當一回事了！

This happens all the time now. I have to go three or four rounds with someone before I get a direct answer! And there's a deeper issue: the more you're treated as if you don't know what you're talking about, the more you begin to question whether or not you do in fact know what you're talking about, right?

現在這種事常常發生。我必須跟某個人一來一往好多遍才能得到一個直接的答案！這深層的議題是：你越常被當成一個「不知道自己在說什麼」的人對待，你就越容易質疑你自己「是不是真的知道自己在說什麼」，對吧？

I understand the woman's tendency to doubt herself. Do you ever notice if a woman is in a meeting with a group of men, and she knows she's right, she apologizes for it? She says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think those numbers add up." You know, you don't have to apologize for being right.

我了解了女人自我懷疑的傾向。
你們有沒有注意過，如果有個女人跟一群男人開會，而她知道自己是對的，她會為此道歉？她會說：我很抱歉，但我不認為這些數字是合理的。
你知道的，你不需要為了正確而道歉。

Since I'm new to this gender, I asked my good friend Jen. I said, "What are women looking for in men?" She said, "Women are looking for men who will honor our uniqueness, who will realize our gifting is not lesser, it's not weaker, it's just different, it is in fact more comprehensive and it's essential."

因為我是新加入這個性別的，我問我的好朋友珍：女人對男人有甚麼期待？
她說：女人因為我是新加入這個性別的，我問我的好朋友珍：女人對男人有甚麼期待？
她說：女人期待男人尊重我們的獨特之處，了解我們的天賦並不是比較差或比較弱，而是不同於男人，它比較縝密，它很重要。

Now, of course there are men who do honor women, lots of them, like my good friend and fellow pastor, Mark, who always draws out the best in me and then seems to take pleasure in watching me lead.

現在當然很有多男人尊重女人，為數眾多，例如我的好朋友兼同事Mark，他總是引導我表現出最好的一面，而且樂意看我領導。

We need more men like Mark, who are willing to honor and empower women.

我們需要更多像Mark的男人，樂於尊重並且賦權予女人。

I know I'm going to keep bumping into additional differences on this journey, but let me leave you with this.

我知道我將會繼續一路遇到更多的差異，在我的這趟旅程，但我想對你們說些話。

To the women, I offer my heartfelt thanks. I often feel like an interloper, a late arrival to the serious work of womanhood, but you show me grace and great mercy. I want you to know you are far more capable than you realize, you are more powerful than you know and you reflect the best parts of what it means to be fully human.

（我覺得這段好難翻，大概很難翻對）

致女人們，我真摯的感謝。我總是感覺像一個闖入者，遲到加入女人的大業，但你們卻報我以寬容慈愛。我想要你們知道，你們比自己所知道的還要更有能力，你們比自己所知道的更有力量，你們反映的是成為完整的人類最美好的部分。

And to you guys who are probably feeling more than a little bit uncomfortable right now - I do understand. I never thought I had privilege, but I did. And so do you.

致男人們，你們現在可能感覺有點不舒服，我懂。我以前也從來不覺得我有什麼特權，但我有。你們也是。

What can you do? You can believe us when we tell you that we might, we might have equality, but we do not have equity. It is not a level playing field, it never has been. You can be a part of the solution by elevating us to equal footing. You uniquely have that power

你們能做甚麼呢？你們可以相信我們，當我們告訴你我們可能有性別平等，但我們還沒有得到公平。這不是一場公平的競爭，從來都不是。你可以成為解方的一部份，提拔我們得到公平的機會。你們獨有這份權力。

And to all of us, do you know who I think about a lot? I think about my brown-skinned daughter, and my brown-skinned daughter-in-law. What do they know that I'm clueless about? What do any of us really know about the shoes in which we have never walked?

致我們所有人，你們知道我常常在想甚麼嗎？我在想我有著深色肌膚的女兒與媳婦，他們知道些什麼我所不知道的呢？我們到底知道些甚麼呢，如果我們不曾有相同的經歷？

It's hard being a woman, it's hard being a transgender woman. As a man, I just didn't know what I didn't know. Would I do it all again? Of course I would, because the call toward authenticity is sacred, it's holy, it's for the greater good.

當個女人很難。當個跨性別女人很難。
作為男人的時候，我就是不知道我到底不知道些什麼。我會再一次選擇跨性嗎？我當然會。因為對於真實的召喚是神聖的，是為了更遠大的善。

For 45 years, my father was a fundamentalist pastor. My mother is even more conservative - When I came out as transgender, they rejected me. I thought I would never speak to them again.

長達45年來，我父親都是個基本教義派的牧師，我的母親甚至更保守。當我出櫃自己是跨性別的時候，他們拒絕了我。我認為我可能再也不會跟他們說話了。

Last January, I took a chance and called my dad on his birthday, and he took my call. We talked for about a half hour, and about a month later, I asked if I could come for a visit, and they said yes.

去年一月，我逮到一個機會逮給我父親，祝賀他生日，他接了我的電話。我們聊了大概半個小時，大約一個月以後，我問他我能不能前去拜訪，他們允許了。

And last spring, I had a delightfully redemptive three-hour visit with them. I've met with them twice since. But that day, toward the end of the conversation, that first day, my father said a number of precious things.

去年春天，我拜訪他們三個小時，這是一趟快樂的救贖。我那之後還見過他們兩次。但那天，談話將結束的時候，第一次，我的父親說了許多珍貴的話。
（救贖是宗教上的意味，講者不愧是牧師，我真的很不懂這句要怎麼翻，請見諒）

As I stood to go - he said - As I stood to go, he said, "Paula" - He called me Paula - He said, "Paula, I don't understand this, but I am willing to try."

就在我要走的時候，他說......就在我要走的時候他說：寶拉——他叫我寶拉！——他說：寶拉，我不懂這個，但我樂意去嘗試。

My father is 93 years old, and he's willing to try. What more could I ask? I hugged him so tightly. One man willing to give up his power because he knew what he knew, that he loved his child, and he was willing to do whatever it takes to honor the journey of another. Thank you.

我的父親已經九十三歲了，但他樂意去嘗試。夫復何求？我緊緊地抱住他。一個人樂意放棄他的權力，因為他知道他愛他的孩子，他願意做一切必須的事去榮耀另一個人的旅程。謝謝你們。

Transcript of "What I realized about men -- after I ...第二篇演講也很不錯，偏重職場經驗。

（略）這段演講開頭在講她曾經身為事業成功的白人男性享受過甚麼樣的待遇，從具體的年收入、獲邀搭乘私人遊艇或飛機，到比較抽象的認識很多有權勢的人，她說她認為自己支持性別平等，支持女性加入董事會，但她承認她沒有致力於幫助她們爬到最頂端，她說她很討厭承認這點，但她的確知道她這麼晚出櫃是因為她不想放棄這些特權。

I always knew I was privileged, I just didn't realize exactly how privileged I was. I went to college for free because my father was on the board of directors. That happens for everybody, right?

我知道我有特權，我只是並不確切知道我有多大的特權。我上大學不用錢，因為我爸在學校董事會裡面，大家都這樣，對吧？（她逗大家笑）

（略）她開了一段玩笑關於手足無措的丈夫面對生氣的妻子。趕快承認錯誤但都不知道到底是輕罪還是重罪。

There are things you don't get. I know, I didn't either. I know you're one of the good guys. I know you work hard to get it right. I know you run the race with integrity, but here's the thing: you started closer to the finish line than anyone else. (Cheers) That's the reality. I know, I did too.

有些事情你不懂，我懂你，我以前也是。我知道你是個好人，我知道你很努力要做對的事情，我知道你正直地參加競賽，但事情是這樣的：你的起跑點，離終點比較近。
這是事實，我知道，因為我以前也是。

Women in America earn between 53 and 79 cents on the dollar of what men earn. 6.6 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs are female. 4.8 percent of Silicon Valley CEOs. Three percent of venture capital goes to female-owned firms.

美國男人每賺一塊美金，美國女人賺大約介於53美分到79美分之間，500大企業中女性執行長佔6.6%，矽谷的執行長女性佔4.8%，３%的風險創投資金投資給女性擁有的公司。

You know, the myth is that women don't get raises because they don't ask for them. The reality is they ask for them every bit as often as men do, they just don't get them. That's the reality. I'm sure you've heard a lot of these statistics before, I know I certainly had

你知道的，有個迷思是說女人沒有得到加薪是因為她們不敢要求。但事實是她們跟男人一樣常常提出訴求，但就是得不到。這是事實。我很確定你們聽過很多這種統計數字，我知道我以前就聽過。

But they never really registered with me. But oh, they register with me now!

我以前從不瞭解這些數字，噢，但現在我了解了！

Because now I'm living those statistics.

因為我現在活在這些數字裡了。

So I thought maybe I would bring at least a little bit of my privilege with me in my new life. You know, I could go into a business meeting, and let's say things go sideways in the meeting, and I become angry.

我本來以為我可以至少帶一點我的特權一起來到我的新生活。你們知道的，假設我在開會，事情可能出了點差錯，然後我發脾氣。

Well, I would be allowed to express my anger. Because certainly as a male, I was allowed to express my anger. It was just a sign of passion for the subject.

我會被允許表達我的憤怒。因為確實做為一個男性，我曾經被允許表達我的憤怒。這只是一種對事物熱情的表現。

As a female, you express anger in a business meeting, the whole room goes dead silent, and now you're "that crazy woman."

作為女人，你在一場會議上表達憤怒，整個房間都會死寂一片。你現在榮登「那個瘋女人」頭銜了。

Then someone takes you aside and says, "Oh dear, you're much too emotional," which then actually causes you to become a crazy woman.

然後有人會把你拉到旁邊然後說：噢親愛的，你太情緒化了。
這會讓你真的氣到發瘋。

（略）她發現自己面對男性的時候沒有帶著她舊的男性特權，但是她面對女同事的時候有。她反省這件事，她思考很久，決定要讓開來給她的女同事機會去領導。

But here's the troubling question: Would I have done that if I was still living as a male? I'm not sure I would have. I might have stopped that conversation before it ever even really began. Deference is difficult for men. Deference is not a respected male trait.

這是個令我困擾的問題：如果我還是以男性的身分生活，我會這麼做嗎？我不確定我會。我可能會阻止這段對話，扼殺它於襁褓之間。
順從對男人來說是困難的，順從不是一個會被尊敬的男性特質。

But until female traits are respected as much as male traits, we're never going to get anywhere near gender equity.

但是在女性特質獲得跟男性特質等量的尊重之前，我們永遠不會靠近性別平等。

（略）她思考如果她會對男性的自己說什麼，但當時的自己可能不會聽。

And you say, "I'm not a CEO, what can I do?" You know, one single thing would make a huge difference, guys. If in all of your interactions with women, you would assume that a woman knows what she's talking about and treat her accordingly, it would go a very long way.

你說：我不是一個執行長，我能做些什麼呢？
有一件事就可以成就很大的不同，當你們在跟女人互動的時候，你可以假設她知道她自己在說甚麼，並且依據這個標準對待她，這就是長足的進展了。

這段印證了那些跨女看到男的就唯唯諾諾，對女人就軟土深掘、驕傲的說教的行為🙄

Yup, that plus ... stop interrupting us, really. Just stop interrupting, just stop. Men interrupt women twice as often as they interrupt other men.

還有補充一點，停止打斷我們，對，拜託，住手。男人打斷女人說話的頻率是打斷其他男人的兩倍。

（略）她鼓勵男人讓出領導的機會給女人，提出性別平等的公司獲利會成長作為誘因，並且最重要的是，這些男人們會為自己的女兒還有孫女創造更美好的未來。

（我個人是覺得，比起等人家讓出機會，女人學會更努力爭取會比較有用啦，所以不是特別同意她的呼籲。）

AntiaC:光看討論
我也感受到一股有毒的男子氣概迎面衝來
瘋狂男性說教欸

他有還是會對女性男性說教的自覺我就覺得已經是RP90了...不知道標準是不是有點低(
女人學會更努力爭取會比較有用+1

我覺得兩方都做改變是最好的，男性必須了解自己有這樣對待女性的壞習慣，然後學會尊重別人發言，女生也要學習多爭取，這樣平衡一下

AntiaC: 努力打斷回去，不要縮。

不能等人家施惠，大概是這樣吧