Plurk

111 responses to this plurk (Jump to bottom)

  • D.D. says
    outgrown a friend? :-o .... let me read the plurk hmm
  • Jane Chin
    daringd it's related to that plurk but not exactly. like when you don't seem to share much in common with a friend anymore.
  • D.D. says
    does it mean that .... somehow u r at different level already?
  • EagleHawk
    yes I've outgrown friends per se, we've changed and not like similar things anymore, so we just stopped hanging out.
  • Rammi
    just eventually stops talking to them. It's easy, in a way, because most of my RL friends don't really use the internet much.
  • Jane Chin
    daringd maybe not "level" but diff. phase in life. you start caring about diff. things, have diff. priorities.
  • D.D. says
    ah ... i am experiencing it now ... as we speak .. juz last nite was discussing to a friend about it ...
  • D.D. says
    and we are in the same boat ... n plan to expand our network of ppl
  • D.D. says
    cos subconsciously they are either dragging u down or drain ur energy. no value...sad but true :-(
  • D.D. says
    are you having one right now too, JaneChin?
  • Jane Chin
    not right now, about 1.5 yrs ago had a couple of instances.
  • D.D. says
    oh...so what did u do? :-o....
  • applesh says
    yes i have. its a weird situation.
  • Jane Chin
    i felt i wasn't really in the same frame of mind as a close friend of mine, but i made a conscious decision to talk about things that she
  • Jane Chin
    cares about, and things that I know wouldn't go into the negative (i.e. not talking about work)
  • Jane Chin
    because this particular friend is worth for me to get out of my own biases about "what I'm interested in talking about". on the other hand
  • D.D. says
    hmm .... then?
  • ethnicomm says
    I just drifted - eventually life goes on :-)
  • Jane Chin
    there was another friend, i knew him for less time, who was very much in a different stage; he's all about making $.
  • Jane Chin
    i didn't feel we have enough in common to get any deeper than the somewhat shallow friendship we had, so that one i let slide.
  • D.D. says
    oh!!!!
  • Jane Chin
    daringd as for the one friend i "kept", i was able to reestablish connection based on what she cares about.
  • D.D. says
    so one u let it slide where the other one u make a conscious effort regards to the flow n direction of conversation.
  • Jane Chin
    so it's a matter of knowing what areas a person tend to go to the negative, avoid that, and focus on what areas he or she is passionateabout
  • Jane Chin
    daringd exactly. it was also because during that time, i heard a statement that made me change the way i saw the situation:
  • D.D. says
    i see i see. hmm but guess it comes to a point where ... nothing in common anymore or u feel like being with them is like waste of ur time
  • Jane Chin
    ... that the greatest gift you can give to a person is the gift of your total attention listening to that person, without judgment.
  • D.D. says
    then if one has such feeling, it's better to drop and move on
  • AmberCadabra
    janechin yes, I've outgrown friends, and I've also grown closer to friends that I wasn't as close to before because of shifting priorities
  • AmberCadabra
    Often we just drift apart naturally as time goes by.
  • D.D. says
    yup . agree w u w the total attention without judgement. it's sucha RARE commodity nowadays, even amongst close friends
  • Jane Chin
    daringd do you mean that the conversation never goes deeper? that you feel you're constantly on the shallow end of the pool?
  • D.D. says
    JaneChin, to most of my close friends now (face-to-face) basis, yes, it's getting "boring" ... like sometimes i wonder .. wat value is this
  • D.D. says
    it's so sad to come to think of it but it's the fact, i can't deny how i feel about them. not to mention the strong feeling about ...
  • D.D. says
    emotional draining and time wasting! urgh.... though not all the time but those moments exist n got me questioning - "do i need to move?"
  • Jane Chin
    AmberCadabra that makes sense! life transition changes priorities and in turn, changes who stick around in your life
  • Jane Chin
    daringd you're also in a unique situation where you live on an island that's very, very small. you can't move far enough! (unless you leave
  • D.D. says
    haha. i dun mean physically move .. but either a mental shift or friendship shift :-D
  • D.D. says
    i'm still loving living in this small tiny little red dot haha. but i still am an Indonesian haha!!!
  • Jane Chin
    daringd you've already shifted mentally (maybe emotionally as well), or you wouldn't have these feelings.
  • D.D. says
    but it amazes me that you brought up this topic as seriously i just talked to my roommate about it LAST NIGHT!!!!
  • Jane Chin
    so the choice may be whether you believe some of these friends will experience a similar shift and you can reconnect, or they're just not
  • Jane Chin
    interested in going this direction. people grow, and sometimes in diff. directions. not good or bad. just different.
  • D.D. says
    Chic, agree with u. some u can try to work on .... some u need to let it go ... it's all about balance too .
  • D.D. says
    JaneChic! dun spook me! HAHA!!! ok shall think about new topic in my head now so that you'll plurk about it tomorrow! HAHA
  • D.D. says
    ah yes,Chic. :-) but as long as it doesn't pull you down for too long ... cos ultimately, it's our lives and our happiness and sanity
  • Jane Chin says
    CHiC very true, our moods can change day to day as well, and that affects our outlook and perception. i like what you said about accepting
  • Jane Chin says
    people where they are.
  • Jane Chin says
    but there comes a time when you DO need to recognize some who may suck the energy out of you, and stay far away.
  • pritcharddesign
    alot alot alot. After my divorce, I saw things very differently and started standing up for myself more. My old friends didn't know how to
  • pritcharddesign
    handle that. And I chose to not participate in conversations that I totally didn't believe in or allow people to push my buttons. I just had
  • pritcharddesign
    to let some people go. I feel the need to keep on growing and trying new things and people don't seem to be able to deal with that. They
  • pritcharddesign
    often think I'm off my rocker when I'm just experimenting.
  • D.D. says
    pritcharddesign, isn't it quite an awesome feeling when you AWARE and LIBERATED from those which consumes your energy?
  • Jane Chin
    pritcharddesign when you are in a certain "place", you tend to attract people who fulfill a certain need of yours, as you fulfill a certain
  • Jane Chin
    need of theirs. but as you grow, then your needs change.
  • Jane Chin
    and you'll find that suddenly "this need" is no longer a need, but "that need" has become important.
  • Jane Chin
    if you have friends who can't get the same thing they are used to getting from you, some have a hard time dealing with it. because you have
  • Jane Chin
    changed, but they have not.
  • Jane Chin
    some people grow from this, others are immersed in their own needs to being filled, and come to resent you for no longer being in the same
  • KDFrawg says
    Got a divorce...
  • Jane Chin
    drb74 it is really impt for partners in a marriage to grow together. don't have to have all the same hobbies etc, but at least need an
  • Jane Chin
    alignment in values that matter most to both.
  • Jane Chin
    love is actually very hard work. it's not just a feeling. lots of actions and responsibilities and accountability with love.
  • ethnicomm says
    a reiki person told me that the reason divorces happen is that the soul got what it needed and does not need the other person anymore
  • ethnicomm says
    people come together because they have something to offer to each other's souls
  • ethnicomm says
    once that is satisfied, the souls move on - some take an eternity, some much less time
  • pritcharddesign
    yeah, I see that connecting with people because you feel a particular need at the time
  • pritcharddesign
    so the question would be how to keep a long-term relationship whether marriage or friendship
  • RenegadeScribe says
    I've found that sometimes it's better to just stop communicating, and when you stop doing that, you'll grow apart naturally.
  • pritcharddesign
    I've done that with people, but then you're always losing people as you grow!
  • DSN
    killed them and buried them in a shallow grave in the desert. (s_unsure)
  • ethnicomm says
    I think people look for answers to questions when they already know the answer - hoping that it is different :-)

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