yinyang09 No matter what, I guess I will always love you. But now, I will try my very, very best to loosen my reins, let fate set in.
yinyang09 I know you would say, you can't give off something you don't have. Well, I got lots of love to give. Better pour it on to myself. I wish and pray I could do it.
yinyang09 Too many people breaking their promises and not telling me. Makes me question what's wrong with me. But Lord up there telling me, there's none. If they think so, then they're not right for me. They've lost their chance.
yinyang09 You said, promised, that you will always be that person who I can turn to to just say anything, no matter what. But you broke that. Really hurts and I miss you. Can't deny that. I feel like drowning in a 10-ft pool. I know I'll be able to swim through, but to be honest I still wish I could do it with you.
yinyang09 But still, I owe it to my kids to be confident in my decisions as well. So to you, Maryan, here's what I would like to say: You make the bravest, most unconventional, yet rightest and most beautiful decisions. Trust in your ability. You know you are destined to change the world. It's not yet too late. All you have to do is make that decision now.
yinyang09 Later when I had kids, I made them feel the same way that Corinthians made me feel. As early as when they were babies, I consulted them in everything, from the way they would bottle-feed, to the kind of blankets to use, to our room aesthetics, and more. Now, I think and am proud that they're better decision-makers than I am.
yinyang09 But Ate Maye got surprised, 'cause she thinks my decisions are brave, which she said she also wishes she has. I really pondered about that and realized that yes, I actually am a brave decision-maker. I do things beyond the norm. People raise their brows over my decisions sometimes, but would realize later on that I waa always right.
yinyang09 But when I joined Corinthians, I was made to feel my decisions are valued. They asked and consulted me all the time, and they would really wait for my answer. Later, I would share about how decision-making scares me and how I think I am a poor decider...
yinyang09 Decisions. I knew since student days, I fail in this department. It takes its roots from childhood trauma. Whenever I'm about to make any decision, my mother would quickly judge the ending and take over. I guess the only thing I was really allowed to decide on was how to clean/tidy up our surroundings.
yinyang09 Here's day 2 pa lang of another love letter to myself. Mahirap pala i-everyday, wala akong time. 😅 Pero next week I think I will have more.